I have a dream. Many, in fact. And most have stayed just that. You know – pipe dreams. But I’m 54 now. How much longer do I have left to turn those dreams into reality? IT’S TIME TO START. Because we all have to start somewhere. So I think I’ll start right now. Right here. Today.
So besides the dreams that I’ve managed to actually achieve – marriage, children, a comfortable home, meeting Bruce Springsteen – I have a few more. Oh, what’s that? Bruce? The guy who made the music my kids were raised on, the one they actually thought WAS an ex-, or wait, could it be a future husband of mine? HA! Slight obsession alert! But yes, I actually DID meet the man, no, I did NOT get arrested nor grab at his clothing, I actually could barely speak a word, and cried copiously afterward from the sheer emotion of it. But I digress…. 😉
Life actually does go on after meeting your idol, and doing that sort of allowed other dreams to come forefront and center. Like, say, getting the hell out of the city. And maybe only having to work 40 hours a week…and not having to be “on call” the other 128 (OK. I may exaggerate. A little. But it ain’t much. Ask my family.) Another dream is to have kitchen cabinets. And walls in said kitchen. Along with a floor that is not painted plywood. You know, BIG dreams here.
I am ready for different results, so time to liven things up a bit here. How? Well first steps first. In order to escape from The Ties that Bind (the Bruce fans will get the references that will be buried in my posts, the rest of you will wonder, “what the hell is she talking about?!”), certain things need to be done. Like the house needs to be finished so it can be sold. We will be spending every last cent we have and will probably require numerous very large dumpsters to get rid of all the crap we all swore we “needed” and couldn’t live without. I’m going to bite the bullet and finish that college degree I’ve always wanted as well. I’ve started and needed to stop for so many various reasons over the years. THIS IS MY TIME. I will not allow this to be derailed for someone else again. You know, as a wife and mother, we do so much for everyone else. Who takes care of us? Nobody. That’s who. That’s why sometimes, we have to take care of ourselves.
A good answer as any would be, “why not now?”. However, there is a backstory to this fire that’s been lit.
About a decade ago, I met someone on an international message board through a shared love of the same music. We ended up living just a couple miles apart, and hit it off instantly. Over time, she became one of my closest friends. She was a remarkable, confident, smart, and FUN woman. We spent countless hours together and with many other friends, going to concerts, traveling to the beach, going to great restaurants, hanging out poolside, shopping, doing hair, girl things! Talking, drinking, eating, complaining how fat we were, you name it. The party began when she walked in. She could carry on a conversation about politics and the merits of beer pong in the same breath. And then…she was given a death sentence. The deadliest form of brain cancer. I may or may not go into her story at a later date, I just don’t know. It’s too soon, too raw, I miss her too much. This beautiful being taught me so much before her untimely demise at age 56, a brutal 17 months after her diagnosis. Watching her decline was one of the most painful things I’ve ever experienced. But the quality time we shared, just talking, laughing, and sharing confidences, is something I will always treasure, and I’m so thankful she allowed me to spend time with her each week as her illness stole more and more of her freedom. She will never celebrate her 28th wedding anniversary with her loving husband. She will never get to see her sons marry. She will never meet Bruce Springsteen (and trust me, this really broke our hearts. She. Should. Have. Met. Him.) She will never get to do the things she put off until “someday”. SHE THOUGHT SHE HAD TIME. We all do. Well guess what, people? WE DON’T.
In Fran’s Memory
So in memory of my dear friend Fran, I embark on this journey. The one that’s going to give me more control of my life. I hope she’s up there somewhere, with a glass of very good wine in her hand, getting ready to guide me.